5th December

As you can see I havent posted for a week, I have had a really bad week in terms of working out, my mental state is uggh atm. But I ate clean all week no fat or sugar at all and kept drinking my water. I'm preparing my mind again to get back to the gym. Looking in the mirror yesterday I have noticed my stomach is different...smaller woot.. not alot just a little. But that helps tremendously with my mind set.

I still feel like I'm eating waaayy too much but the difference is now there is no sugar and no fat. The amazing thing is i'm eating more than I ever have and loosing weight lol

Tea has a cheat meal today so we are making the most of it before getting back hard to it lol.. and the weird thing I find is that I don't want chocolate or candy, my cheat will be a huge piece of rump steak with roast veges and gravy lol mmmm.. I loveee steak.

I dont drink coffee or tea anymore because I used to have 4 sugars in it and can't stand the taste of the equal or sugar free sweetner so I cut them out all together.. that way I can drink more water as well.
And I used to drink energy drinks by the carton (they are like a addiction for me) and have stopped that in place of water..
so now with no caffine intake i'm getting extremely bad headaches from caffine withdrawel.
As long as I can stick to eating right ( that means no sweets, sugar, or pop at all) then I will see a difference. and dont forget the water it is so important to help flush all the fat and toxins out.

29th

Today I took it very easy, slept alot. Have changed my flax oil to fish oil..phew much better... just so you know.. flax oil followed by a shake= bad= sitting on the loo throwing up in a bucket.
went to the gym and did cardio.. was very pleased with myself but after I still felt like a fuzzy 2 headed alien whos legs didnt work right.
Tea just told me I am glowing .. she is so sweet.. so all the sleep and water must be doing good.
I dont feel like I have lost any weight tho.. not sure I will weigh in tomorrow.. we will see.

28th

well i was all geared up and looking forward to a great lower body workout.. the first set was leg press. I was alot weaker than I had imagined but then what did I expect with the previous 2 years of only my legs carrying me to the bathroom and back to my computer lol. Did a intense workout.. the first time on the leg press was scary lol... when I finished it and got up I was feeling a little weird, light headed and sick. I just put it down to pushing myself hard. Then I stumbled my way to the leg extentsions ... the feeling didnt go away and I felt like I wasnt in control of my body.. so I went and did some floor crunches. My fuzzy head feeling got worse, it was like I had to concentrate so hard just to put one foot infront of the other to walk to the ladies lockers. So I had a shower and a protein shake. My whole body was weird.. numb..shaky.. I just dont know what to make of it. If someone spoke to me It took all my concentration to focus on what they where saying... even then not all of what was said made it to my brain. Tea later told me I was short and grumpy with my answers lol.. not that I meant to be, it was just frustrating not to understand people.
Tea and I went to the natropath that was at the gym.. she did tests and said I had no muscle (suprise suprise) and my bodies age was 60!!!! omg do i have a long way to go... she told me my
body might be going into shock ... so I have to take it easy from now on and not push so much... sigh...and her scales told me I was 1kg heaver :( ... so it looks like I'm not going to make my goal for our new year challenge.... so sad... I was so sure I would have too...
But I will work with what I have and see where I end up...
Still struggling with eating all the food , have only had 3 meals today and most of my water,
oh the natropath said that even tho Im drinking all this water , my cells are not getting it...so im still dehidrated

27th

sigh.. I'm finding if I don't get to the gym first thing that it doesnt happen.. even tho I was looking forward to doing cardio today it didnt work.. haven't been able to eat all the food even today.. there is still time left but its nearly 8pm and I still have 3 meals to go.. sigh...
So mental note.. if workout isnt done then I dont burn callories which in turn makes me not hungry.
I will make all my water tho before bed as i havent had a issue with that.. sooo thirsty.
ooh ooh my flax oil...*runs to take it*
there done.. :D
ok so everything else is done.. im going to take a brisk walk to the 7/11 and back so at least it will be some form of cardio.
yay lower body work tomorrow

26th

OH wow what a rush!!
Went to the gym (my new gym :D) and did a awesome upper body workout..boy can i feel it in my arms and chest .. woot.. so Im expecting not to be able to scratch my nose tomorrow lol.. Ate clean all day and drank 2ltrs of water and even got all my meals in...
I made a new concoction from cottage cheese , onions, capsicum (bell peppers) fresh asparagus, mushrooms, fresh garlic and a touch of ginger.. omg it was yuuummy.

WOOT!! 25th

OH WOW guess what I did today????

I am now the proud owner of a gym membership!!! *does a little dance*

Well that is how i feel now.. just give me a week and ask then lol I wonder if I will even be able to type then:P

Well Tea took me to her gym as we managed a 3 day free pass and one thing led to another, especially the drop dead gorgeous guy we spoke to :)
So then Tea showed me around and we did some cardio (which I thought would kill me) and I was very surprised that I did half a hour and felt I could have done more... I was feeling very confident at that point.. untill I stepped off the treadmill and fell down the step cause my legs where not themselves...they didnt want to do what my brain told them and they went off and did their own thing.. i had to helplessly follow. I managed to guide them to a seat and make them sit for awhile.
Because I didnt trust them after that I sat and waited for Tea to finish her workout and then she showed me the supplement shop attatched to the gym...
Well you could have knocked me down with a feather... standing behind the counter was this angelic vission of perfection.. blonde, blue eyed, muscled, tanned...and when he opened his mouth to speak angels started singing... with a swedish accent... sigh
Tea turned bright red, tripped over her words ,, babbled something, and then he smiled... I thought tea was going to faint right there.. (or jump him) one or the other lol.
Talk about giddy school girl... all I could think of was omg Im dressed in the most unbecomming outfit.. a huge shirt.. baggy pants with the crutch hanging down to my knees and a well positioned hole there as well... sweaty, smelly,, hair all over the place and standing beside tea who was looking like her goddess self as usual.... did I feel self consicious ... oh no that was a understatement.. i just wanted the ground to swallow me whole.
After Tea couldnt think of anything else to ask him and we where loaded up with free samples, we headed toward the car giggling our asses off.....
ok im not allowed to say anymore.. tea has caught me out lol

24th

Well today started promising....Had my vitamins and flax oil (yuk) Was drinking my water constantly and got in 8 large cups, which is amazing for me as previously I never drank water at all. Got my first 4 meals in but after that couldn't even think about eating anything else.. Omg sooo full. I knew I would struggle with the food at the start. I was waiting for Tea to come home to help with my workout (as I don't know what I'm doing yet) She made me eat another meal at 7pm :)
Then the depression got the better of me and I curled up on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
So no workout today or messurements. But starting weight is 84kg.

Up to this point 2

I had to have a break from what I had written, the emotions that I try to keep in check just overwhelmed me.

The days and months that followed just melded into one another, only sleeping when it was the last resort because of the nightmares and then only for short periods until they woke me. The kids barely went to school and only if they where bored of sitting around the house.
Then I got a letter from the Real Estate we where renting from saying that they where going to increase my rent another $200 a month on top of the $1200 i was paying now. There was no way I could stretch things any further so I had to move. 2 months notice I was given but started looking right away for another place. Time and again my applications where rejected and it came to the point I was facing homelessness.. for the first time in my life I had no where to go. It looked like I would have to give up my 2 kids to their father so they would have a roof over their heads... I dreaded it...loosing them..I was constantly sick thinking of it. If I didn't have them
then it would mean the end of my reason for being here.
Then a guardian angel appeared in the form of my best friend whom alot of you know as Tearose and her husband.
They offered me their spare room and rearrange their apartment to allow for me and the kids to move in as long as we needed. As thankful as I was, I still stressed over having to deal with people everyday. She kept assuring me that it would be fine. So we packed up and moved in with them on the 8th of October this year.
I have to say its been the best thing that could have happened. I have my best friend right here to talk with and cry with, my son absolutely adores her husband and doesn't want to move ever lol. My daughter has started a new school with so many more opportunities than with the old school.
And we live across the road from the most beautiful beach in the world...( I still dont get there much yet as
I still have alot of issues with going out) but I feel alot more relaxed here and Tea has said she has seen a
improvement already in the month we have been here. Some days are good some are bad but I think maybe the bad
are getting less.
So here I am at the next faze of my life.. I turned 44 the day before Tea turned... something lol... we had a wonderful birthday and did girly things.. got our hair cut and got pampered and even got our noses pierced.
I have so much to be thankful for especially my best friend. She has been trying to get me to do this for the past 4 years or so and she is amazing with what she has accomplished so far.
I only hope I dont let her down.